Hi! I’ve been working on and off on another scene for my story that I’ve decided I will write (check out my first story scene here) and finally I got something. I’m not sure where this will be placed in the story, so far my thoughts have been a mess, so this is just a scene that I recently put together.
‘I’m bleeding this time. Slowly. I feel the pain being drawn out yet I’m strangely detached from it all. I look down, and see the puddle of red crowding my vision. This isn’t normal, my brain tries to tell me. But I feel so tired, so sleepy. I’ll just lie down for a bit, I tell myself. Then I’ll clean up the mess. My vision doubles, and I know in the back of my mind that I should do something about the loss of blood. But there’s no time to do anything about it before I feel my body fold upon itself. The last thing I see is a knife, aiming towards my heart.’
This one’s a shorter one, but it’s all I’ve been able to come up with. I’ve been starting and erasing several scenes lately, but I think this one is adequate. What do you think? I really need the feedback! Please let me know what you thought of this scene in the comments below. ❤
Until next time!
I’ve been bouncing around the idea to write a story for several months now, and I’ve finally strengthened my resolve to go through with it! Now, I’m sure I’m going to abandon it when schoolwork and exams get really tough, but for now I’m hoping to stick with it! I’ve thought about it bit, and I don’t yet have a very clear idea of the plot, but I have something, and that’s all I’m focusing on at the moment. 🙂
It’s not much, but this is what I have so far:
I am drowning. Or soon will be. The ocean encases my lower body, tugging me down. Blue waves rage around me, yet I feel fire burning my arms. I feel no pain in my arms, as if the fire is not even there. How is this possible? What air I have left is growing short, coming in quick raspy breaths, and I start to suffocate. I feel the ground tremble. My legs are pulling me under, yet my upper torso and arms are in flames. Oxygen clouds around me, and I can barely see through the smoky air. I try to fight against it all, trying to stay above water, focusing on breathing, while trying to douse the flames captured on my arms. I have no idea what is going on right now; how could I be drowning, burning and suffocating at the same time? It makes no sense. I kick and try to swim, refusing to die now. But then I had no choice; smoke blackened my vision, and the water swallowed me whole.
I’d love it if you comment and provide constructive criticism, I always have space for improvement! I’d appreciate no hateful comments, simply some advice or thoughts you may have. Thank you!