Reasons why I would be the worst protagonist in a YA fantasy novel EVER!

I love books. They have wonderful characters who you want to squish and keep away from harm forever and (preferably) relatable, realistic, and flawed characters. Right?! And although there are the groups of them that make horrible decisions and get into huge messes… generally they’re either a) able to get out of the situation or b) they’re just perfect and end up suffering minor consequences or something. And many people hate on them for either their decisions or whatever foolish mistakes they make, but let’s be real here; I would totally be the worst one of them all. Why? I’m glad you asked! (That’s totally not the whole point of this post or anything.)

Reasons why i could never be a fantasy character

1. I can be TERRIBLE at making decisions.

Which, no biggie, right? Sure, in real life it’s just a minor inconvenience perhaps–I mean, I’ve survived my whole life making decisions, so it’s all good? But those decisions are, say, should I be productive today or should I watch Netflix? (Netflix, of course.) Should I eat another chocolate bar? (No, I shouldn’t. But I will.) OR WHAT BOOK DO I READ NEXT?!?? As you can tell by my extreme use of capital letters, this is a very important and very #stressful decision to make.

So now, I ask you, how on earth am I suppose to choose between whether I should go fight to the death or stay in the comfort of my home and wait for others to protect me??? Or… if I had to choose between Jem or Will??! Or any two male love interests, really. It’s so easy to make fun of characters in books, but I would be so much worse in their situation, I bet LOL.

2. I am greatly allergic to anything that might cause my death.

And you know, seeing how 99% of the time in fantasy novels, the main/secondary characters are constantly at the risk of being KILLED (or they actually are killed… *sob*) I believe my allergies would flare up greatly if I were in their shoes. I’ve never had the symptoms before, but knives, arrows, weapons, all terrible for my allergies and always present in the midst of a war or something. *sigh* They have no consideration. Not all of us can be fierce assassins like Celaena or courageous wizards like the golden trio and company. Ahem. By not all of us I mean *me* because, um. Allergies, remember? Very deadly. *nods*

3. I’d probably end up dying for the stupidest reason anyway.

Seriously, knowing me, just watch me trip and end up on my face, on the ground, during the middle of a dance or something. And falling unconscious. And thereby missing whatever attack or battle or something that happened next because I’m on the ground and accidentally dying. (Is that possible? Sure.) But serious question: How are YA protagonists all so graceful on their feet??? I WANT TO KNOW. So that I’m prepared, obviously, and can train to not trip and fall unconscious in the middle of a dance floor. Because I’m also allergic to that, by the way.

4. Or I’d die of fear before the battle even begins, tbh.

I would like to think that I’m super brave and totally capable of fighting off, I don’t know, Voldemort or an army of deal people, or something, but ummmmmmmm. Actually being up there, having to fight? Even after loads of training, that wouldn’t prepare me for the shock and actual threat in battle. It is totally possible for me to faint or something. (How are YA protagonists so chill with the whole battle thing, though?? Sure, you’ve had training but how do they not collapse from fear? I mean, that would probably detract from the whole amazing-ness and suspense of the battle and all the stabbing and killing that I only like when I’m not hypothetically imagining myself in that situation, lol, but it’s a natural reaction! It’s totally acceptable during a time like that.)

Except then you remeber that fantasy novel characters often have no parents....
Except then you remember that YA characters often have parents that are MIA.

5. I lack any sort of skill that would be useful.

Do I have magical powers a la Harry Potter or Grisha? No. Am I kick-butt Shadowhunter or fighter of any sort? Nope. Am I able to pick locks or be super stealthy a la Kaz and Inej?Β No. What can you do, then? You ask. Well I wasn’t exaggerating when I said I lacked any sort of skill! I mean, sure I can… read? And blog? And… spend too much money like a pro, but none of those would be useful at all so basically my book would be filled with me trying to keep up with the actual helpful people and trying to feel useful and special. Ahem.

6. I hardly have any tolerance for pain.

Well, that’s a kind of lie. As any girl can relate, I’m sure, those monthly appearances are dreadful. But do I survive those silently and courageously? Of course not! I can’t withstand a papercut without groaning, like.Β What if I got a… sword-cut?? (That doesn’t sound right.. maybe just stab wound is better.) I would probably give up. Do you know the number of times my fictional friends have gotten hurt?? If I felt bad for them while reading, I doubt it will compare to my own self-pity if I got stabbed, to be honest. πŸ˜€ But can you blame me, really?

7. I would whine about not having food.

Not all the time, but most of the time, the protagonists hardly get food! You can take many things away from me but not my food (or my books)! How the characters go so long at a time without any food astounds me and causes me to want to run away in horror just thinking about it. I get super cranky and am in a terrible mood if I don’t get enough food and it’s just so good why would I want to go without it? To be fair, I suppose the main characters don’t have a choice really, but currently, as this is all hypothetical (thank god) I do! And basically, I’m not prepared to leave food guys. If I was a YA character and had to, I’d probably groan about how I’m so hungry 70% of the time. The other 30% would probably be for water, which would increase to 50%, and soon the whole book will be filled with inner monologues about how I’m hallucinating that my enemy has a head made of cake or something.

8. I would be way too gullible.

One of the most anxiety-filled moments (or perhaps frustration-filled for some people) when reading a book is when the main character is walking into a trap and you know it. The whole time you’re either praying you’re wrong or that they stay alive (if you like them) or cursing them for being so stupid and naive (if you do not). Either one. In any other circumstance perhaps I’d be in the first group but there’s only so many times a person can make the same mistake, right? I mean, of course, I’m familiar with all the tricks used to lure the main character into a trap, but I imagine there are probably a lot more that I’m not aware of that may be used on me–and like I said, I can be very gullible. And tempted by things like food (especially if I’m forced to not have enough of it throughout the book) Oh and books of course. I should hope there are no people aiming to hurt me reading this post because I’m revealing sensitive information here!

9. I am not fond of killing people.

Yay, you may all rejoice in the fact that I am not, in fact, crazy, and actually, do not enjoy killing people. LOL. (Nor do I have the ability, fyi.) Problem is, one of the best parts of a fantasy novel is the conflict and the battles, which means YA characters in fantasy novels have some inborn ability to fight like a boss. (Or they trained and learned to fight, but who likes extra work?) Basically, it means most of the time, they kill their enemies quite brutally and… I probably would not be able to stomach that which also means I would be useless in battle (if my lack of skill with a weapon didn’t already prove this) and thereby useless to theΒ whole quest-plot-adventure-thing because I DO NOT FIGHT.

10. Not interested in, you know, dying.

Most YA characters have something to lose–actually, human beings in general always have something to lose. And then they have something to fight for, something at stake. Their dedication and their strength in face of difficulties is inspiring and fun to read about because it leads to #battles but in real life? Having to do the same thing as them? Yeah…. no, thank you! I’m not as selfless as book characters. Few people are when it comes down to it. Book characters have the liberty of doing whatever, sacrificing whatever because they are fictional and will live forever even if they die. (*gasp*) Me, as a human with A) a will to live and B) no willingness to die and C) very selfish motives, I don’t need to think so honorably towards some random fantasy world for the sake of a hypothetical situation. Wow, I’m making this a lot more complicated than it has to be. I DON’T WANT TO DIE. The end.


Wow, this was a slightly depressing thread to walk upon, but, well, you asked! (Hush, this post was not my idea. I wrote this up at like 1 or 2 AM in the morning and I blame that for my utter nonsensical rambling.)
But I think that’s all the rambling I have for this post! This post puts me in such a bad light, haha. Let me know your thoughts in the comments; do you think I’d be or you’d be a good protagonist in a YA fantasy? Can you relate to any of these or do you perhaps have any additions to mention? I’d love to know! Hope you enjoy your Monday. πŸ™‚

Until the Next Meal, Analee

Advertisements

28 thoughts on “Reasons why I would be the worst protagonist in a YA fantasy novel EVER!

  1. This is the best thing ever xD
    I totally agree with everything I would be the absolute worst protagonist! You got too real with the point about food πŸ˜› Also, you were so eloquent with the last point!
    If I was in a YA book, I’d be one of the irrelevant extras that dies in the first 10 pages. As sad as that makes me, it’s 100% true. Forget Harry Potter, I don’t know if I’d survive the Dora The Explorer universe! I mean, she’s a five year old going on adventures with a monkey – she’s doing more than I ever did when I was five πŸ˜›

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ahhhh I’m so glad you liked it! This was literally filled with me just rambling and writing whatever came to mind so I was kind of worried. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ But omg yes the food is so important?? Like how do they even survive. Aha same here! We can die as extras together, my friend. It was great knowing you. πŸ˜‰ Omg I never even thought about that but so trueeee Dora is setting such unrealistic expectations for our past tiny 5 year olds. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Why must thou be so brilliant at writing hilariously relatable posts? Seriously, I hear you on every. single. point! I always like to think of myself as tough, but girl, I start crying for no reason sometimes and dying is not on my bucket list. Also FOOD! They never have to use the toilet, they never eat, they don’t need period products, because apparently those don’t even exist in Fantasy worlds. That’s like the only reason I would want to go to one of those worlds. No more periods. πŸ™ƒ That got weird, sorry hahaha

    Liked by 2 people

    • Omg hahaha that’s so true though!! Apart from in book 4 when Harry got his clue in the bathroom, did he even shower through the entirety of the book series?! πŸ˜‚
      It’s insane how characters stop doing even the most basic of body functions in fantasy worlds!

      Liked by 2 people

      • No, because personal hygiene is irrelevant when you are in mortal peril hahaha I mean, I do realise that it would be boring to JUST read about those moments, but when I get nervous for example I always have to pee. Before a fight, I would NEED a toilet for sure πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

        Liked by 2 people

      • Another good point lolllll and somehow Cho is not disgusted by this whatsoever and does not seem to realize it? Like people who don’t shower are grosssss. πŸ˜‚ And so true! I don’t need to know every time they go to washroom but it’s not mentioned. At. All. And a lot of times its only used as a tactic to get guards to untie you or something? πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

        Liked by 1 person

    • Ahhhh thank youuu I’m glad my 2AM rambles were relatable and I’m not insane aha. πŸ˜‚ oh my gosh right?? And those YA characters be fighting monsters and demons without having a single breakdown like how πŸ˜‚ AND THAT IS SUCH A GREAT POINT omg. All human basic needs just disappear. And same though!! No periods sounds amazing, I’d totally go to those worlds for that aha. And just end up hiding in a shed or something forever to avoid all the other struggles, such as death. πŸ˜‚

      Liked by 1 person

      • Oh DEFINITELY! 2 AM rambles are the best πŸ˜‰
        We could just be the reclusive people living in the woods that no one ever visits or knows that they are even there. Like, maaaaaaaybe, I’d come out for a visit from the High Faes or stuff and I guess I would need new books. But I am pretty sure you can portal to the bookstore in a fantasy world.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Psssh, I’d never make it as a protagonist anyway. The closest to who I’d be is probably Foxface in The Hunger Games, since she basically avoided people, and tried to stay out of trouble, but even she died. πŸ˜‚ I’d love to have some sort of Neville moment, but I don’t think that’s going to happen either.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I loved this post Analee, it was so much fun to read. I think a lot of your reasons are reasons I’d be a terrible fantasy protagonist as well. That and I’m incredibly lazy. If I was in the Harry Potter world I’d have just left Voldemort take the philosophers stone or whatever else because I’d put off facing him until the last minute, and by then it would be too late.
    Then again I think it would make a possibly hilarious book if there was a heroine that had all the traits you listed in your post. I think if it was written well it would certainly be interesting reading about someone who had no special skills, complained about how hungry they were and was just really gullible.
    Oh well, I’m more happy reading about fantasy adventures than taking part in then myself anyways! πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

    • ☺️
      Omg yessss I can’t believe I forgot to mention that one honestly I’m the laziest person ever. πŸ˜‚ I’m with you on that one!
      Haha that would be quite a different read seeing how there is literally no character in a fantasy novel like that–though I suppose if it’s written well it could be pretty awesome. πŸ˜‚ At least then I’d be able to relate haha.
      Very true! It’s perfectly exciting and all that reading about them than actually having to participate in them. πŸ˜‚

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Hahahahaaha, I laughed SO hard while reading this. Let’s be honest, I wouldn’t survive without FOOD either haha. I wouldn’t be a good protagonist either, I’d be way too scared of everything and I am terrible at making decisions just as well so I’d just stand there and wait…And probably that’d be the end of the book then hahaha.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yayyyy I’m glad this 2AM post of mind hasn’t failed in its purpose. ❀️ oh my gosh, right?? I have to wonder if the characters are truly human, going so long without food and water with no sign of complaint…. πŸ˜‚ Haha yes exactly! If we thought Bella or people in love triangles were indecisive… Ha. I’d totally fail at making decisions and would also not have the courage either (as much as I’d like to think I would lollll) The end. πŸ˜‚ It’s okay we can just continue to observe the true protagonists complete the journey without doing it ourselves #purposeofreading πŸ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

  6. This post is amazing! πŸ˜‚ I can relate to everything soooo much! I would such as a protagonist. Seriously, I would be mostly to lazy to do anything (as is the case in real life, I have much trouble motivating myself to do anything productive) and when you have to save the world that’s not very good. Also, on the saving world thing – I would really save myself, I wouldn’t care much about the world in general. (Or I have a feeling it would turn out that way, knowing myself.) πŸ˜‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ahhhhh yayyyy thank you!! Glad to hear I’m not the only one who would fail at being a protagonist aha. πŸ˜‚ Omg same I can’t believe I didn’t mention that cause that would be one of my biggest obstacles! Forget saving the world, I’m too lazy to get out of bed in the morning or doing work lollll. Right? All those book characters having such honourable goals to save their world and me just like…. ‘Bye, gotta go’! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      Liked by 1 person

  7. And this is why I love Patrick Ness. His protagonists tend to be a bit more average. I could totally be one of the MCs in The Rest of Us Just Live Here. They are very much of the stay home and let someone else save the world mentality πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  8. OMG!! I love this post! I love YA fantasy but being a main character is impossible for me especially the assassin’s one’s. I can totally relate to everything you’ve listed so there’s a major possiblitly that I would die even before reaching third chapter LOL! πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

    • Eeee yay I’m so glad to hear that! ❀ Omg yeah, YA fantasy is awesome but being a main character in one of the novels would be so impossible–and I could no way be an assassin LOL. Haha yeah, only way I'd survive, probably is to hide away from all the danger. πŸ˜‰

      Like

  9. Maybe you’d be a poor protagonist because your extensive reading would allow you to predict all the upcoming obstacles as well as the ending, leading you to make a smart choice from the start and preventing the story from ever starting. You hear the creaks on the stairs and you realize, “No, I’m not opening the door. I am calling for professional help. The end.” πŸ˜‰

    Like

Leave a taste of your thoughts!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s